#3 Reflections | Resilience

Resilience isn’t something we’re simply born with; it’s a quality that can be cultivated over time. Research by psychologists like Dr. Ann Masten, who coined the term “ordinary magic,” emphasizes that resilience is not a rare or extraordinary trait but a common capability that can be developed through everyday experiences and challenges.

In my own life, I’ve noticed that resilience often grows in the small, daily decisions we make: choosing to keep going, to adapt when things don’t go as planned, and to learn from setbacks. This aligns with findings from the American Psychological Association, which suggests that resilience is shaped by our behaviors, thoughts, and actions; not just by inherent personality traits.

One of the key aspects of resilience is how we frame and respond to challenges. Dr. George Bonanno, a professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, has conducted extensive research showing that resilience involves maintaining flexibility and finding meaning in adversity. This doesn’t mean ignoring the struggle; rather, it involves recognizing the difficulty and still finding a way to move forward.

I’ve found that resilience isn’t about pushing through every obstacle with brute force. Instead, it’s about understanding where your limits are and working within them. Sometimes, taking a step back, reassessing, and then making a thoughtful decision on how to proceed is the most resilient approach. This idea is supported by Dr. Karen Reivich and Dr. Andrew Shatté, authors of “The Resilience Factor,” who emphasize the importance of adaptive thinking in building resilience.

Self-compassion plays a crucial role here as well. According to research by Dr. Kristin Neff, practicing self-compassion can actually bolster resilience by helping us treat ourselves kindly in the face of failure or disappointment. I’ve found that when I allow myself room to fail and learn, I’m better equipped to handle the next challenge with greater mental toughness.

Resilience, then, isn’t about being fearless or always succeeding. It means the mindset of facing life’s challenges with a sense of purpose. It implies knowing that each experience adds to your capacity to handle future difficulties. As Dr. Masten’s work suggests, resilience is ordinary magic—a quality that can be nurtured and strengthened through the choices we make every day.